Choosing Between Worse and Worse

A stomachache or an ache to the head? Which would you chose? Ah, it doesn't matter what you choose because I'd take them both for you and you'll never have to pick, because, honey, dinner's on me, and it's only fair I spare you any trouble. You're my guest, after all. Oh, don't look at me like that, darling, of course I'm sure. Ha ha! I'll be fine! You're only ever so delicate and soft, and you're in a military uniform, heck, who in the world like that can handle the menu? Ha ha! Don't make fun of me! Why, dearest, why would you want to leave? You're my prisoner, after all, in this mansion. You can't leave. I need you to bring the dogs home for me, you're the only one who's good at it, and I'm terrible with animals. Oh yes. Ha ha! Me, mad, no! But that aside, would you rather then have a heartbreak or a heartache? Oh really? You can't stomach that? Figures. I'd very much rather get the dogs in, and they can eat much more than you can. You're weak. It makes me wish you'd stop yelling at your mother at home. Huh? Yeah, yeah I've seen it all darling. She's old, and she loves you, but you hit her once or twice in the face because she told you not to go so and so with so and so. Figures, you're crazy. Ha ha! Oh no, no I'm not making fun of you! Quite the contrary. But now's not the time for that, your mother wished for me to teach you discipline, and you will learn those lessons. Penny, call the dogs in, we'll give him a taste of him own yellin', that's for sure. Brace yourself, it's gonna be loud. Whoo! Ha ha! Yes, yes I'm crazy, me! Sorry kiddo, but you should have picked the headache from the start, because then you wouldn't be in this mess.

Self-Control

We believe in keeping ourselves to ourselves
And our thoughts to ourselves
And our feelings to ourselves
And our love of ourselves and our hate to ourselves
And if we feel pain or spite
We keep ourselves to ourselves because we are soldiers
And soldiers never ever complain and cry and bawl
We don't have to
Honestly nobody cares and we don't care ourselves
It's a nice thing to be selfish, though it's a sin 
A sin and ten sins, but we are still soldiers
Mostly people cry for attention
so much so that you'd wish they'd shut up
It isn't right, and we will never be caught in that mistake
We believe in keeping ourselves to ourselves after all
Self control is almost non-existent in the digital world
The simple solution is to destroy it all 
Because we believe in keeping ourselves to ourselves, see?
Nah, they're blind.
Scormy, follow in there with your unit Son, we ain't got no time!